Scene 1 of 1
Setting: Nighttime. Suburban, middle-class, tree lined, park area. Nobody is around except for an elderly gentleman named Steve and a young hooded ruffian named Ice Pick. Steve is shuffling home from a night at his new lady friend’s house and Ice Pick is standing under a dimly lit street light, leaning on the light pole. Ice Pick stands about 6’4″ 240 pounds to Steve’s 5’6 145 pounds.
Ice Pick: Hey old man. Look here old dude, I’m a complete and utter scumbag and so tonight I thought I’d take a stroll down some dimly lit street and beat up someone much smaller and weaker than myself.
Steve: Well, young man, although I admire your honesty and straightforwardness, I can’t say as I’m in the mood to get the holy hell beat out of me.
Ice Pick: Hmmmm. That is unfortunate, isn’t it? Because I fully intend on bum rushing you and taking your wallet. I am going to find out soon enough but do you happen to have a watch or any jewelry of value on you?
Steve: I have my wedding ring and the Rolex I received after 30 years at my old job. Those are worth much more to me, both emotionally and financially than the 70 dollars cash in my wallet.
Ice Pick: Oh really? That is terrific news because aside from being a general loser and all-around scumbag I also have a pretty nasty meth habit. This is great, now I can just chill out at the local motel and melt my brain for a few days until the next time I come around seeking new prey to fuel my wicked drug habit.
Steve: Wow that is really sad, young man. I hope you find the help you need. Unfortunately I’m not going to be able to hand over my watch, ring or wallet. You see I also have in my pocket a small bottle of ultra-hot pepper spray.
Ice Pick: (clearly concerned but ready to call his bluff) Oh yeah? Well I’m not afraid of a little pepper spray. Seeing as I’m a big tough guy.
Steve: You seem like someone that isn’t all that smart but even you should know that me spraying you in the face with ultra-hot pepper spray is not going to be a pleasurable experience for you. We are talking about a spray that is rated at 2 million scoville units.
Ice Pick: Scov who?
Steve: Scoville units. It’s a unit of measurement to determine just how hot a pepper truly is. A habanero pepper for example measures in at about 150,000 Scoville units. Have you ever tried a habanero pepper?
Ice Pick: Oooh. Yeah those are hot. My eyes were burning and my nose was running eating one of those.
Steve: Yeah they are spicy, aren’t they? Well now imagine I was to take a pepper roughly 15 times a s hot as that and rub it in your eyes, nose, throat and lungs. How do you think that would feel, son?
Ice Pick: (with a pained and disgusted look on his face) You know what? I think I’m just going to go home.
Steve: That might be the best decision you made all day.
THE END
That was a gripping tale, wasn’t it? In all seriousness though I truly do believe that pepper spray is the very best means of self-defense for senior citizens, women, college students and just about anyone that doesn’t enjoy being mugged.
Stay Safe,
Carl Vouer
To see more pepper spray for seniors or other items of self defense for seniors please visit us online.
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