Dear Outdoorsmen, Please Use Guard Alaska Bear Spray Instead Of Firearms. Thanks, Bears of America

Dear Outdoorsmen,
Hello, we are the free-roaming, wild bears of America and we are writing to you in hopes of avoiding a major disaster. The major disaster being one or both of us winding up severely injured or potentially even dead if our paths should accidentally cross.
For many years now there has been a wonderfully effective alternative to shooting us with a firearm should we happen to come face to face. This alternative is Guard Alaska bear spray and we would all much prefer being sprayed with this bear repellent spray than be sprayed with bullets. You see, bullets have a nasty habit of killing us bears and many of us would rather not die as we ourselves have families to help raise. It would certainly behoove you humans to carry such a product If you are out camping or hiking in areas populated by us bears and would otherwise have no protection whatsoever. See, we don’t attack out of anger; we usually attack because you’ve startled us and we are just acting out of instinct, so please don’t take the inevitable mauling personally.
Guard Alaska bear spray works in much the same way as pepper spray does on you humans. It causes us great pain and swelling in our eyes, nose, mouth and throat, causing us to turn tail and run. However, much like with humans and their pepper spray, we will fully recover after about 20 minutes and the spray will leave no permanent effects. Guard Alaska is also the only bear spray registered with the EPA as proven effective on all species of bears, and that’s good news as there are fortunately still a few types of us in this country. Guard Alaska is also environmentally safe and contains no ozone depleting chemicals which is great for both of us as we both need to live on this planet and we’ve already done quite a bit to destroy it, no? We don’t want to come off as rude here but technically we bears were here first and you’ve already chased us and/or completely destroyed about 98% of our original habitat. We are just trying to find a humane, environmentally safe, and non-lethal alternative to you shooting us or us mauling you.
So please do all of us bears a favor and never even think about shooting my friends and I with a firearm when you have this wonderful product at your disposal and that can be every bit as effective as that firearm would be without having to kill any of us. And please do yourself a favor and never head out to any area you know to be populated by my buddies and I without bringing along Guard Alaska bear spray so that we don’t have to get all violent with you.

Thanks,
Bears of America

To buy bear spray or other animal repellents please visit us online.